#am I autistic and tend to over share information when I’m nervous and don’t know what to say

[shit-sorry-fuck-mybad]

Hangman says weird shit when he gets nervous

As in, he overshares when he gets nervous and isn’t sure what to say, sometimes it’s just trauma dumping and sometimes it’s sexual and sometimes it’s just… idk weird

He usually has it under control, the pressure of his job is not the thing that gets him, it’s the stress of his life outside of work

—

Example 1:

Ice: nice to meet you, Jake

Hangman: pleasure’s all mine sir, you have a beautiful house, you know, I used to live in a house just like this before my dad kicked me out and disowned me

Ice:

Hangman: sorry

—

Example 2:

Coyote: so?

Hangman: so what?

Coyote: did you tell him?

Hangman: I told him that I can’t stand him and that I want to **** his **** and then have him **** me until I can’t breath and hopefully until he can’t speak

Coyote:

Coyote: instead of… I love you?

Hangman: I got nervous ._.

—

Example 3:

Rooster: are you sure you’re ok?

Hangman: of course, it’s just a funeral, haven’t even seen the man in more than a decade

Rooster: yeah but he’s still your dad, you’re allowed to be upset

Hangman: hmm

Hangman: hey, did you know that like 1% of people get buried alive?

Rooster: I didn’t know that

Rooster: ready to go?

Hangman, taking his hand: hopefully he won’t wake up mid ceremony

[ra-lek]

Hi! I know you’ve touched on the topic briefly before, but if you don’t mind I’d love to hear any more in-depth thoughts you have on autistic Elliot. It’s one of my favorite headcanons and it’s always fascinating to see other people’s thoughts on it! (Also I just wanted to say that you have a really interesting way of analyzing the show and you seem like a such a genuinely chill, kind person, thank you for being awesome)

heya, i don’t mind at all!! this headcanon is great and there’s a lot of material to work with and analyze so i’m absolutely on board with elaborating more; 

but first i gotta establish a few things:

i am not a professional and can’t talk about autism the same way i’ve talked about body language or dissociative identity disorder. mainly because i’ve done essays on the latter and am more educated on the subject, unlike with this specific disorder.

but yo that doesn’t mean i don’t know anything cause psychology is my sHit- i just felt it was necessary for you to know that i’m not as confident in my analysis as i usually am; so feel free to correct me!!

next, in canon, elliot is diagnosed with clinical depression and social anxiety disorder. with a couple of ’delusional’ mentions thrown here and there. however, we most certainly know he suffers from DID as well- and the fact it’s his MAJOR problem and hasn’t been properly acknowledged by the show leaves us with room to speculate.

and finally- i’ve been diagnosed with and am being treated for clinical depression and anxiety disorder. so i will point things out from my perspective here as well, since people with anxiety have similar symptoms to people on the spectrum and/or people with ADHD/ADD. (sometimes even OCD)

alright now that that’s all clear we can finally start looking at his behavior!!

first and foremost, autism & ad(h)d are developmental disorders because the symptoms for them can generally be noticed in early childhood; as opposed to anxiety which is a mental illness. so it’s entirely possible to have a cocktail of disorders in your head.

i’m bringing ADD up a lot because i’ve been speculated to have it & am supposed to take some tests- but am not officially diagnosed yet. now that we’ve got my entire family history, blood type & credit card number laid out, we’re ready to go.

anyway, these are the symptoms:

1. difficulty with communication & interaction with others

this is probably where anxiety, add and autism collide the most. though in very different ways- and they’re not exclusive to people with one of these diagnosis only. 

for example, eye contact. i’m terrible at it. people with autism & anxiety are also pretty darn bad at it, and elliot might seem that way at times; he hides a lot- but not as often as he tends to hold an intense eye contact, instead? which can also be seen as an ‘odd’ thing to do in social communication. as in, not noticing if someone’s uncomfortable under such gaze, let’s say.

that brings me to the next topic which is uh, coincidentally, communication.

he is quite blunt when it comes to it, has a distinctive ‘flat’ #elliotvoice tone. @mototwinkclub pointed out a few instances last time this topic was brought up, such as saying “i’m okay with it being awkward between us” to matpat ollie or “not at all, actually.” with gideon- and he doesn’t do it to be rude. doesn’t really realize it’s ‘bad’ to say it like that, either.

i mean i know he said he’s trying to work on his social anxiety but that’s not quite how you’d go about it? i firmly believe he suffers from generalized anxiety. obviously, that includes social anxiety as well; but this way you could explain why he’s way more concerned with…everything else. and is pretty straightforward in conversation.

since i referenced the pilot, one of the first lines he says about himself is “i don’t know how to talk to people. the only person person i could talk to was my dad- but he died.” which brings us back to the developmental aspect of this disorder. since he’s indicating he didn’t know how to talk to people even when he was a kid. which is true, in every flashback we see he either doesn’t talk at all or talks very little.

what’s interesting though- although he’s bad at reading 'conversation’- he’s extremely good at reading people. and the fact he 'looks for the worst in them’ contradicts the usual aspect that’s brought up when it comes to an autistic thought process, which is made out to be like “if i wouldn’t do this, then why would anyone else?” and it’s not the way he thinks at all.

instead, he feels empathy on a moral level if that makes sense? people on the spectrum are said to either be too empathic or not at all. and it’s hard to pinpoint elliot? because, clearly, he cares for people as much as he doesn’t trust them. use an example the reason he leaked ray’s information. he literally said “but then i keep thinking about those people.” but we haven’t seen him empathize with, for instance, vera- even when he gave a pretty tragic backstory. he can tell who the bad guy is. 

when it comes to spacing out, he does it all the time. people on the spectrum do it all the time, i certainly do it all the time. but we have to focus on what he is thinking about when he does it- because that is our indicator. 

we usually see his thoughts filled with paranoia, over-thinking, analyzing, etc,.. which i associate with anxiety disorder mostly? but, we have to take into account something he suffers from the most and it’s dissociative identity disorder. so not only does he space out, but he tends to dissociate, as well. perfect example for this is when he mutes the world around him. or just doesn’t listen.

once again, from the pilot, when angela tells him “stop thinking about something else while i’m talking to you!!” he isn’t actually daydreaming or spacing out in the usual sense- he’s recalling the night (mostly for the viewer than for himself let’s be honest) she’s talking about and we see that he was too anxious to go in. he doesn’t tell her that.

now let’s talk about his no-touch policy for a second. that’s something a lot of people on the spectrum have in common. i think it’s, once again, one of those cases where one could be either completely touch-starved or aversive. though we can’t ignore the fact he’d been abused when he was young. 

as i was going through the pilot for most of my evidence here (as you can notice) there’s a very small detail at the beginning when ron leans in to ask “are you blackmailing me!?” and we can see elliot flinch in genuine fear. this is not the only instance where he seems afraid to get hit. breaKs my goddamn heart.

but he’s also the one to initiate contact sometimes- and he often misunderstands the situation. shayla told him not to ask, he kissed darlene, tried kissing angela on the train that time when she denied him- he does it cause that’s what he thinks he should do. 

2. restrictive or repetitve behaviors

he’s absolutely all about those routines- he doesn’t want anything destructing his ’perfectly constructed loop’ anytime he has one. (season 1 starbucks, season 2 jailtime, season 3 ecorp) but it’s important to point out that in all of these scenarios, he’s been to one to break the loop himself. by realizing they weren’t making anything better.

there are a couple of nervous ticks he has, general fidgeting with his hands/hair/hoodie- all of these apply to every disorder we’ve mentioned here.

comfort item/food is a very good one!! since we’ve only ever seen him eat fries, he has a “crying corner” in his room, he’s constantly 'hiding’ under the hoodie. probably the main comfort item.

he’s also insanely hyperfocused on technology and numbers and hacking, obviously- he has a clear routine every time. burn the disc, delete the folder, write a song over one of the cds, shove them under the table. same goes for when he thinks he’s fucked up- throw stuff in the microwave, destroy it, you get the image.

speaking of those cds though, if he can remember exactly which song he wrote for each person he’s got data on; that could be a damn good indicator of it!!

all of this could be a combination of whys and becauses which is super fun if you ask me. elliot is complex and, although i share 2.5 disorders with him, i can’t relate to his actions/coping/thoughs completely all the time.

it just tells you how different everyone’s brains are, you can’t restrict a disorder to a specific pattern and only consider that when diagnosing somebody.

so, in conclusion, elliot could very possibly be autistic!!

[thedivergentdreamer]

How to Respond to Autistic Critics: A Guide for Well-Meaning Neurotypicals

Let’s say you’re a neurotypical person who cares about an autistic person in your life (probably your child). An autistic adult approaches you with some concerns, criticisms, or information from another perspective. You feel attacked. How do you respond?

Don’t

Respond right away.

Do

Take time to calm down.

If the interaction is asynchronous (online, text message, etc), walk away and come back when you’re calm. 

If the interaction is in-person or otherwise demands an immediate response, say something like, “Thank you for sharing this with me. I need time to process it. I promise I will give it a proper response as soon as I can.” This shows the person that you are taking them seriously. And as autistic people, we’re used to needing time to process complex things, so we will definitely appreciate this.

Don’t

Take it personally

Assume we’re saying you’re a bad parent/person

Treat it as a personal attack

Do

Remember that it’s not all about you. 

This is especially hard for parents because nobody likes their parenting to be questioned. But none of us is perfect, and you’ll only ever grow if you’re open-minded. Unless the person is flat out saying, “You are a terrible parent,” then they are not saying that.

Remember that autistic people can generally be taken at face value because we tend to say what we mean and mean what we say -- nothing more. If we say, “I’m concerned when you say abc because xyz,” then we are saying we’re concerned about that one thing. Period. Don’t make it more than that. 

Don’t

Tone police

Attribute their anxiety or perceived negativity to a personality trait (e.g., “You are just a negative, critical person”)

Do

Have compassion.

Remember that most autistic people have been through hell their whole lives because of the way the neurotypical world has treated them. 

Most of us have at least some level of depression, anxiety, or even PTSD because of these interactions. It’s unrealistic to expect these repeated experiences not to colour our discussions about autism with neurotypicals.

You wouldn’t expect a woman who survived domestic violence not to get emotional when talking to a man who, while not violent himself, makes red-flag statements and reminds them of their abuser. It’s dangerous territory for us; of course we have feelings about it. We’re not robots.

Don’t

Condescend

Gaslight

Do

Take us seriously and treat us with respect and dignity.

Our feelings are valid, even if they’re not the same feelings you would have. Maybe we’ve taken the time to consider things you haven’t. That doesn’t mean we’re “overthinking” or “overreacting.” It means there might be something you can learn from us.

Just because our perspective differs from your own doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Take the time to consider it. Put yourself in our shoes, remember that our experiences have been different from yours, and give us the benefit of the doubt.

Don’t

Use our autistic traits against us (e.g., calling us naive, pressuring us to respond faster than we’re able)

Do

Respect our differences.

Yes, we are often naive. Many of us see that as a positive thing; it means we’re honest. Using it as an insult makes us insecure about aspects of ourselves that should be celebrated instead.

Yes, we take longer to respond properly. This means we’re giving the matter a lot of consideration. Isn’t that a good thing?

Think about how you’d want someone to talk to your child. How would you feel if they mocked your child’s naiveté? If you wouldn’t want your autistic loved one to be bullied, don’t bully other autistic people!

Don’t

Tell us it’s not our business

Dismiss us (e.g., “You’re entitled to your opinion,” “You are not my child’s advocate”)

Do

Be grateful someone cares enough about your child to speak up for them.

If you’re not going to be your child’s advocate, someone should. Having lived for decades as an undiagnosed, unsupported autistic individual, I would be pretty heartless if I didn’t feel some connection and obligation to other people going through similar things. Maybe you feel like other people’s trials should never affect you, but some of us are more caring than that.

Don’t

Say we are not like your child (implying we have no right to speak up for them)

Do

Remember that we are more like your child than you can ever understand.

We might have jobs and relationships. We might be verbal. We might not rock back and forth. We might make what looks like eye contact. We might have above-average IQ. And your child might not have/do those things. That doesn’t mean we aren’t like them.

The neurotypical world seems to think that outward behaviours (e.g., stimming, being verbal) and societal markers of “success” (e.g., job, relationships) is what makes one person more or less autistic than another. First of all, there really is no such thing as “more” or “less” autistic. We’re autistic, period. We might need more or less support, but that doesn’t mean we’re not still autistic.

The idea that these outward behaviours are what make a person autistic is the reason I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 36. You know how I realised I was autistic? I came across the blog of a woman who was actually autistic. I finally read the thoughts and feelings of an autistic person, and it felt like she was in my head. Once I started looking under the surface, the self-discovery was life-changing.

It turns out, I do stim. I just don’t do it as much in front of other people, and when I do, it looks like nervous fidgeting (picking my nails instead of, say, flapping my hands), which is more socially acceptable and camouflages my autism from others -- and even from myself, for over 3 decades.

It turns out, I do struggle with eye contact. I always thought I was “making eye contact” when really I was looking at the person’s mouth -- if I look at their face at all. But if I force myself to look into their actual eyes? I feel like I’m being attacked and my brain stops processing what the person is saying.

Again, perceived outward behaviour doesn’t always match the inside.

I “pass” as neurotypical. When colleagues find out I’m autistic, they invariably have the same response: “I would never have known.” Yeah, well, that’s because you probably wouldn’t be working with me if I didn’t mask my true self to the point of exhaustion, because neurotypical bosses wouldn’t hire me.

Do NOT mistake my successful masking (which is extremely bad for my health, by the way, so I use the word “successful” with a heavy dose of irony) for lack of autism. They are not the same thing. 

Yes, I am like your child. Listen to me when I advocate for her. I know what she’s going through because I’ve been there. Maybe not exactly the same (we are all different), but almost certainly more than you.

In 2018, a study was conducted at the University of Edinburgh. It was groundbreaking because it didn’t assume neurotypicality was the correct way. It gave equal footing to both neurotypes. And it found what autistic people have always known: that our way of communicating, socialising, and experiencing the world is not pathological or ineffective; it truly is just different.

When the autistic participants were tasked with communicating information to one another, they were just as effective as neurotypical people tasked with communicating information to other neurotypicals. Ineffective communication only happened in groups of mixed neurotypes.

This explains why, when I’m around other autistic people, I can take the mask off and safely be myself. We get each other.

In other words, autism is like a different language and culture. So instead of dismissing me because I have learned to speak your language to a greater degree than your child has, maybe you could see me as a valuable asset because I can be a translator for your child. Instead of treating me as a threat, treat me as an ally. Because that’s what I want to be.

[cafesimmingg]

Lavandar Ink Interview - Slaughter or Salvage MM/BC

... Whoops. But hey, it’s technically not late! @socialjusticesimblr

Personal information! Age, gender identity, species, place of usual residence, etc. Um, I’m Lavandar! Lavandar Ink. Yeah, I - I know my name is spelled weird. It’s not exactly my fault. I, uh, it’s my birthname, is what I mean! Uh, yeah, birthname. Nothing to be done about it. I mean, no, of course I could change my name if I wanted, but I don’t really- ugh, I’m gonna shut up... Yeah. Sorry. Uh, Lavandar Ink. I’m 25 years old, and I’m a demihuman girl - uh, a girldemi - FUCK I’m a demigirl human. I live in Sunset Valley, right now, but I lived kinda all over the place as a kid.

What are the specifics of your disability / disabilities? Is there anything we need to do in order to accommodate you and your needs fully? I’m autistic, and I also have PTSD and also maybe probably anxiety. Or maybe it’s just part of the PTSD. It’s maybe a possible… a possibility? That’s… Yup, possibility. That is very much the word I was looking for there. Amazing. But yeah, I… I don’t know. I’m nervous a lot. Whatever. But, um, yeah. I don’t think - I mean, I should be okay. I usually am. I just… I don’t know. It’s all good. It’s all great! Everything is great. Uh, just… um, I have a scar on my face. Obviously. I didn’t need to point it out. You noticed already. You all noticed already. Everyone noticed already!!! Everyone knows I have the scar! I’m just the weird nervous girl who can never shut up unless someone asks me about my scar. I get it, okay? I… Um. Don’t… Don’t ask me about the scar. Or, well, my childhood. I guess. Just… No, I guess that’s it. And, um, other than that, I’m good! I’m great! Everything is good!!! Yeah!!!!!!

How would you describe yourself? How would your friends describe you? *recording jump-cuts. the lighting has changed. you get the feeling that lavandar took a break for a few hours* Um. Jumpy. Nervous… I don’t really, uh, have many friends. To be completely honest. But, um, if I did, I guess they would say I was… scared too easily. Or… something. I’m just… I don’t know. I… I don’t know?

Random bit of trivia about yourself, or your hobbies, or your romantic past Uh... I don’t know? Um, I kind of like to paint, I suppose. I don’t know. This is too broad of a question? I don’t know? Sorry...

Why did you enter this BC? Are you nervous? What do you hope to attain? I’m… yes, I’m nervous. Fuck, I am the most nervous - nervousest? Most nervous. I am the most nervous person in this entire goddamn BC. I mean, other than you, maybe, of course, Lorelei. But like, you did kind of create this. I mean, you knew what you were getting yourself into. Not that I didn’t!!! I mean, I obviously… knew what I was signing up for. Of course I did, I mean, duh. It’s a double BC. Full of other people. Who I’m going to be sharing a house with. Like, yeah, that’s kind of how these things work. Obviously. Yup. Wait, shit, was there more to this question? Did I go on another tangent… Yeah. Yeah, I went on a tangent. I, uh, I do that. Sorry. Sorry!!!! I, um, let’s see. I entered this BC because… I want to help get over some of my anxiety about being in a house full of others. It… It’s something that scares me. And I’m tired of being scared. I mean, obviously that’s not the only reason! I mean, I also really want to end up with Lorelei! Of course I do, I just… I’ve been searching for a BC to enter for a while. And fuck, I didn’t plan on it being a DOUBLE, I mean fuck people are already so much, but then Lorelei I saw you in the ad and I just…. Oh my god. I had to. I… I don’t even know what it is. It’s the same bullshit cliches as always, I suppose… I just felt this connection to you right away. And I, uh… You reminded me of someone from my childhood, someone that I miss a lot. I just… Yeah.

What are your thoughts on Lorelei herself? What made you decide to try to win her hand instead of Lyra’s? Oh, uh, I kind of already answered this, didn’t I? Whoops… I just. You reminded me of someone. It was just the… the buns, I guess, and the yellow hair… and fuck I really just. Couldn’t get you out of my mind after I saw the ad. It’s like… I’m following my destiny or something. Shit, that sounded awful. I’m not some weird cliche here, alright? I’m… I’m trying my best to be genuine. It just… *sigh* I really hope I win, Lorelei.

What are your greatest fears? *laughs awkwardly for a while* Ahem… yeah, we should maybe not get super into this. Moving… Uh, moving on.

What is your moral compass like? Do you believe in absolute good or absolute evil? I don’t know. I guess not. I mean… people can be all the way good or evil, but nothing about it is actually “absolute,” if that makes sense. It’s like… if something is absolute, there’s no chance of coming back from it. Anyone… Er, well, most people can still… change. I guess. It’s like… just because someone does a lot of good things, doesn’t mean they can’t do bad things, or vice versa. Nothing is… set in stone, as they say. Usually, I mean. There are still… bad people. People that can’t be redeemed.

How interested are you in music? It’s one of Lorelei’s on-off special interests, so you may need to be proficient in it to catch up. I actually don’t really… listen to music too often. I mean, I can start!!! This BC is… Already getting me out of my comfort zone. In a lot of ways. So why not even more? I, uh, I guess I don’t listen to music often because… I grew up being taught that a silent house is a happy house. *coughs and mutters something unintelligible* I mean, I don’t know. It’s whatever, you know? I can… Lots of things are different. Now. I… I don’t have to follow the rules! Who cares what my parents said - oh god I shouldn’t have said that. Oh god oh god oh god- *recording cuts off*

If you lose, will you be able to cope? *recording abruptly restarts. it sounds like it’s a new day* Yeah. It’s not like I haven’t dealt with rejection before… *nervous laughter* I’m not gonna, like, flip out and start killing people, if that’s what you’re asking. I, uh… That… didn’t come out how I wanted it to. That was… not… a good topic. To joke about. Um. Sorry. Can we rerecord this part - oh come on, why n- ugh fine It looks like this is the end of the interview? Um, I’ll see you in a couple weeks! Um… Good luck to all of the other contestants, and special good luck to Lorelei for finding her soulmate!!! Lyra too, I suppose. Thank you for having me, Lorelei, I hope I won’t disappoint!

A couple of notes, out of character, on writing Lavandar: She talks. A LOT. She has a tendency to ramble on when she’s nervous, and she’s always nervous, so. Yeah. She gets self-conscious about it, and often realizes she’s doing it but can’t stop and feels bad over it. She also tends to stumble over words - not all the time (and hopefully it’ll taper off as she gets to know the others better and gets marginally less anxious around them). One other thing is, when she gets stressed, she isolates herself pretty badly. Take care of her for me, yeah? Oh, and Dub, I intentionally left out the details of her past. If you want/need more information on how that all came to be, feel free to message me, but it would practically take a miracle to get Lavandar to mention it without shutting down completely.